Wednesday, May 31, 2006

i miss him

i miss him

i miss him

i miss him

do i love him?

i don't know.

maybe i do, maybe i don't.


i'll wait and see.

but waiting hurts.

and it hurts a lot.


Saturday, May 20, 2006

okay, haven't been blogging for days.
cos im really damn busy with my school's projects and assignments. many times must i tell guys that when i say no, it means no!
i don't want any relationship means i don't want any, alright?!
there's 2 choices: be my friend or just shut up and go away!
it's as simple as that! why can't those guys get it?!
i don't like guys (doesn't mean that i like girls either), just that i like myself more.
moreover, im attached.

last few days i just met a stalker in school.
a guy whom was courting me but i rejected him.
he just wouldn't leave me alone.
he was standing at one corner peeping at me when i was eating with my friends, he didn't leave until my dad came to get me.
its scaring me. and i felt disgusted. TOTALLY!!! :(

arrghh!!!! hate it!!! to guys out there:
if u can't accept rejections please don't come to me and tell me u like me. DON'T try any moves on me!
*tries to calm down*
okay, i can treat u like a buddy or friend but never a boyfriend.
get it? good, u guys betta do!

on thurs i had 2 unpleasant dreams.

1st dream: my friends and i, we're in a room. there's a puppet stage in the room. we sat in front of the puppet stage. there was this hooded figure on the stage. it was scary and its not moving. i was a lil' irritated by the fear that was in me. so i decided to do something bizzare. i took down e huge clip from my hair and threw it right smack at the face of the hooded figure. it moved.
my drama teacher was shocked but he led the figure down the stage to me. my teacher came and said,"pray." i stand and pray in tongues when the figure came near. i was almost shouting and spitting the prayers at the figure. it stepped away from me, as if in fear. i continued shouting and praying in tongues, i couldn't stop until my teacher yank my arm and said"okay, enough. he's gone."
and u know something, in the whole process of my dream i was speaking in tongues. as in i could hear myself speaking in tongues in reality, audible tongues, i could hear it but i couldn't stop myself.

2nd dream: my friends and i, we're in this room, we're in a mission. i guess we just finished and we're gathering in the room. seems like we're waiting for a leader or something. then, a man came in. he announced the names of people who could continue to live and serve. but my name wasn't in the list. at that moment fear gripped me. then disappointment came, tears rolled down. one guy interceded for me, he said,"take amanda along. she's a good girl." the leader looked at me and frowned. then he nodded and say okay, since someone interceded for me.

the moment i woke up. i had loadz of questions in my mind. somehow i know there's something i need to discover from the dream but i just had no idea what it is. until during oikos, when kevin lead us with the impromptu songs.
somehow i was proud that i stood up against the hooded figure and that ultimately the power of prayers scare him. however, i wished i had stood up against him in boldness instead of in fear. so during oikos worship, i prayed and ask for boldness and courage from God that i may stand and fight my enemies, fight the devil.
when we sang "THANK YOU FOR THE CROSS" , i was thinking in my second dream, did i come to discover the cold hard fact that im afraid of death? or did tears rolled down because i wasn't chosen? this, im still trying to figure out. but i saw a similarity in my dream and "judgement day". it was as if everybody is in front of God, who He wants to rapture, and Jesus interceding for me. i felt a warm urge to thank Jesus. thank him for interceding for me in God's kingdom. even now, when it's not yet rapture day, but He's still up there loving me and interceding for me.
then, something in me reminded me, the groom might come anytime, be prepared. anytime, anywhere.

i dunno whether what i conclude was right, but it just gels with me. like it just comes to me naturally. like someone gave me a "ding" inspiration or something. but i learnt and discover much from my dreams.

okay time to sleep, im tired.
love y'all guys! ;)

Sunday, May 14, 2006

7 children? *raise an eyebrow*

okay u must be wondering what's with my title.
nope, it has nothing to do with mothers' day.
okay, maybe mothers' day is the thing that ignite it.

first and foremost, i must say a BLESSED MOTHERS' DAY to all mothers cos mothers are wonderful creatures. they are love, peace when ur scared and in trouble, naggers when u dont eat or make your own bed, they are beings who will not give up on their lil' ones.
so mothers, we love y'all!

okay, back to my "7 children" story.
my church gave out carnations to all mothers today.

u know, i like flowers(esp lilies). so i commented,"i want carnations too."
then, my friend says" carnations are for mothers la."
i replied,"okay, i like lilies."
my friend went like,"good, we shall ask pastor tay to open up e sanctuary and i go get a lily for u."
(u see,there's lilies at the pulpit today & im e youngest in my cell group, so everyone treats me like a sweet lil' baby sis)
& e story goes on. here comes pastor walking towards us.
my friend: eh i ask ar.
me: no! don't!
friend: pastor, can open e sanctuary, i go get a lily for her.
*im beside him, refusing.*
pastor: yar, sure. give her on my behalf. *turns to me* may u have e lily and have 7 children.
me: *traumatized* 7 children?! No way! i NEVER want to have children!
pastor: why not?! children are blessings. some want to have also cant. 7 children is good.
me:*went bonkers and started to laugh my head off, continue to be traumatized.*
friend: look at her face. 7 children, my goodness, harrassment.
pastor: what harrasment?! children are blessings.*pat my friend's back* eh, the government say that if u can afford, have more children! 7 children!
(*step on brakes* wait! hold on a minute! is pastor trying to say my friend n i are an item? *sm1 knock me on my head* doh! u idiot! that's what he's trying to imply!)
me: oh no!!! pastor! it's not what u think!!! no! *every1 laughs at me! hmph!*
pastor: huh? u two, *points at my friend and i* no relations??? u mean, u guys are not an item?
*another friend commented"they look like hor.."*
me: no!!! pastor! we're not!!! just brotherly love!
pastor: oh..hohoho...sorry sorry...thought u guys...hahaha!
my friends and i were laughing so hard.

hmmm...but 7 children. i don't mind having if i know how to educate them and if i can afford to raise them up.
one thing for sure that changed me when pastor talked about 7 children(even though it was a joke), was that i don't think children scare me anymore. just that when i think about work, i just cant change the mindset that children and work cant merge together.

7 children...hmmm...lols.. ;)
*smilez to myself, shake my head.*
love y'all. ^,^

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

im tired.
really really exhausted.
busy with homework and HMS stuff.
*headache...eyes hurt..*
pain pain eh *pout*
lols.. ;)
i just cant stop working. muz work one, if not will feel uncomfortable.
so work loh.
will blog more when im free.
love y'all.

Saturday, May 06, 2006



Thursday, May 04, 2006