Wednesday, May 31, 2006

i miss him

i miss him

i miss him

i miss him

do i love him?

i don't know.

maybe i do, maybe i don't.

so?

i'll wait and see.

but waiting hurts.

and it hurts a lot.

sigh...

Saturday, May 20, 2006

okay, haven't been blogging for days.
cos im really damn busy with my school's projects and assignments.

sigh...how many times must i tell guys that when i say no, it means no!
i don't want any relationship means i don't want any, alright?!
there's 2 choices: be my friend or just shut up and go away!
it's as simple as that! why can't those guys get it?!
i don't like guys (doesn't mean that i like girls either), just that i like myself more.
moreover, im attached.
to JESUS!

last few days i just met a stalker in school.
a guy whom was courting me but i rejected him.
he just wouldn't leave me alone.
he was standing at one corner peeping at me when i was eating with my friends, he didn't leave until my dad came to get me.
PLEASE!!
its scaring me. and i felt disgusted. TOTALLY!!! :(

arrghh!!!! hate it!!! to guys out there:
if u can't accept rejections please don't come to me and tell me u like me. DON'T try any moves on me!
*tries to calm down*
okay, i can treat u like a buddy or friend but never a boyfriend.
get it? good, u guys betta do!

on thurs i had 2 unpleasant dreams.

1st dream: my friends and i, we're in a room. there's a puppet stage in the room. we sat in front of the puppet stage. there was this hooded figure on the stage. it was scary and its not moving. i was a lil' irritated by the fear that was in me. so i decided to do something bizzare. i took down e huge clip from my hair and threw it right smack at the face of the hooded figure. it moved.
my drama teacher was shocked but he led the figure down the stage to me. my teacher came and said,"pray." i stand and pray in tongues when the figure came near. i was almost shouting and spitting the prayers at the figure. it stepped away from me, as if in fear. i continued shouting and praying in tongues, i couldn't stop until my teacher yank my arm and said"okay, enough. he's gone."
and u know something, in the whole process of my dream i was speaking in tongues. as in i could hear myself speaking in tongues in reality, audible tongues, i could hear it but i couldn't stop myself.

2nd dream: my friends and i, we're in this room, we're in a mission. i guess we just finished and we're gathering in the room. seems like we're waiting for a leader or something. then, a man came in. he announced the names of people who could continue to live and serve. but my name wasn't in the list. at that moment fear gripped me. then disappointment came, tears rolled down. one guy interceded for me, he said,"take amanda along. she's a good girl." the leader looked at me and frowned. then he nodded and say okay, since someone interceded for me.

the moment i woke up. i had loadz of questions in my mind. somehow i know there's something i need to discover from the dream but i just had no idea what it is. until during oikos, when kevin lead us with the impromptu songs.
somehow i was proud that i stood up against the hooded figure and that ultimately the power of prayers scare him. however, i wished i had stood up against him in boldness instead of in fear. so during oikos worship, i prayed and ask for boldness and courage from God that i may stand and fight my enemies, fight the devil.
when we sang "THANK YOU FOR THE CROSS" , i was thinking in my second dream, did i come to discover the cold hard fact that im afraid of death? or did tears rolled down because i wasn't chosen? this, im still trying to figure out. but i saw a similarity in my dream and "judgement day". it was as if everybody is in front of God, who He wants to rapture, and Jesus interceding for me. i felt a warm urge to thank Jesus. thank him for interceding for me in God's kingdom. even now, when it's not yet rapture day, but He's still up there loving me and interceding for me.
then, something in me reminded me, the groom might come anytime, be prepared. anytime, anywhere.

i dunno whether what i conclude was right, but it just gels with me. like it just comes to me naturally. like someone gave me a "ding" inspiration or something. but i learnt and discover much from my dreams.

okay time to sleep, im tired.
love y'all guys! ;)

Sunday, May 14, 2006

7 children? *raise an eyebrow*

okay u must be wondering what's with my title.
nope, it has nothing to do with mothers' day.
okay, maybe mothers' day is the thing that ignite it.

first and foremost, i must say a BLESSED MOTHERS' DAY to all mothers cos mothers are wonderful creatures. they are love, peace when ur scared and in trouble, naggers when u dont eat or make your own bed, they are beings who will not give up on their lil' ones.
so mothers, we love y'all!

okay, back to my "7 children" story.
my church gave out carnations to all mothers today.

u know, i like flowers(esp lilies). so i commented,"i want carnations too."
then, my friend says" carnations are for mothers la."
i replied,"okay, i like lilies."
my friend went like,"good, we shall ask pastor tay to open up e sanctuary and i go get a lily for u."
(u see,there's lilies at the pulpit today & im e youngest in my cell group, so everyone treats me like a sweet lil' baby sis)
& e story goes on. here comes pastor walking towards us.
my friend: eh i ask ar.
me: no! don't!
friend: pastor, can open e sanctuary, i go get a lily for her.
*im beside him, refusing.*
pastor: yar, sure. give her on my behalf. *turns to me* may u have e lily and have 7 children.
me: *traumatized* 7 children?! No way! i NEVER want to have children!
pastor: why not?! children are blessings. some want to have also cant. 7 children is good.
me:*went bonkers and started to laugh my head off, continue to be traumatized.*
friend: look at her face. 7 children, my goodness, harrassment.
pastor: what harrasment?! children are blessings.*pat my friend's back* eh, the government say that if u can afford, have more children! 7 children!
(*step on brakes* wait! hold on a minute! is pastor trying to say my friend n i are an item? *sm1 knock me on my head* doh! u idiot! that's what he's trying to imply!)
me: oh no!!! pastor! it's not what u think!!! no! *every1 laughs at me! hmph!*
pastor: huh? u two, *points at my friend and i* no relations??? u mean, u guys are not an item?
*another friend commented"they look like hor.."*
me: no!!! pastor! we're not!!! just brotherly love!
pastor: oh..hohoho...sorry sorry...thought u guys...hahaha!
my friends and i were laughing so hard.

hmmm...but 7 children. i don't mind having if i know how to educate them and if i can afford to raise them up.
one thing for sure that changed me when pastor talked about 7 children(even though it was a joke), was that i don't think children scare me anymore. just that when i think about work, i just cant change the mindset that children and work cant merge together.

7 children...hmmm...lols.. ;)
*smilez to myself, shake my head.*
interesting.
love y'all. ^,^

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

whoa!
im tired.
really really exhausted.
busy with homework and HMS stuff.
blah!
*headache...eyes hurt..*
MAMEEEEE ar!!!!
pain pain eh *pout*
lols.. ;)
bah-ness.
i just cant stop working. muz work one, if not will feel uncomfortable.
so work loh.
yawnZzZz.....
will blog more when im free.
love y'all.

Saturday, May 06, 2006

昨天早上到了学校才发现没有戏剧课,因为阿亮失声了。生了一场大病,后来就没声音了。
不过,我就成了他的播音器。他说什么我都得帮他重复给其他学生听。
呵呵,真好笑!
阿亮太可爱了!
后来,大家一起和阿亮吃早饭。
我们正谈论咱们的老师们,大家都谈得很疯。
阿亮没能力说话,听我们的对话,自己受不了,也一起笑起来。
阿亮,你真的很可爱嘞!
我觉得阿亮有他的魅力,我喜欢他的思想,还有他笑的时候眼皮皱起的样子。
超可爱!!!
呵呵!天阿!我真是疯了!

今天是投票日,我到想看看谁会是下一个四年的执政党。
大选这段期间,我跟新闻还跟得满紧的。
虽然还不能投票,但我却对政治人物所说的每一句话、每一个举动都特别敏感。
从来都没有那么关心国家大事的我,因为这次的大选,对国事突然有了另一个态度。
对国外国内的新闻都非常的感兴趣。
我突然有一种想对政治和媒体有更多了解的渴望。
觉得自己跟父母谈论政治和社会时,感觉自己好像成熟了。
不再是那个对时事一点都不在意的黄毛丫头了。
看到父母投票时,我告诉自己,下一个选举,我将好好的决定自己要谁来领导我们的国家。
下一个大选,我有权投票!

Thursday, May 04, 2006

开学后好累哦!
每天都有功课,不过我高兴。
我喜欢这个学期所读的几门科。
还有人文系学会的活动要忙,看来我这学期又要少睡好几晚了。
唉。。。
没关系,我过得充实就行了!

每个人都会死。
今天我看了中国电影《洗澡》,电影里的父亲最终死了,儿子才发现原来自己一直没有好好的关心父亲。那时,太迟了,父亲都过世了。看了,眼泪便在眼眶里打滚。
谁知,回到家,我大哥告诉我在他学院里卖西餐的大叔前天过世了。
我不禁惆怅,人最终还是要走的。
叹了口气,觉得好多事都不是自己能掌控或避免的。
人生;一场戏、一场梦、一场空。

没别的要写了,
除了袁四爷对程蝶衣说的:
一笑万古春,一啼万古愁
等等,我可要加上:
唯独我拥有。”