Yes, you read right. I'm pregnant again. Now in my 19th week, with a huge tummy. I think I'm going through depression. I get upset and afraid easily, without any reason. I cry and sob alone with frustrations these few days. Once was in the toilet at my workplace, once in the middle of the night in bed and the other time was just now, while I was showering. I hate it. These horrible emotions that I get and the negative thoughts in me. I feel really alone, like, no one can understand. Fear, loneliness and helplessness are the constant in my life now. Some times these makes me think if I should be pregnant. Or worse, if I should be alive.
Sunday, July 10, 2016
A couple of weeks ago, I read an article on people planning their funeral beforehand. That inspired me to do the same.
I don't want my funeral to be of any religion, well, because my relationship with God is personal. My funeral is not a place for religious people to shove their beliefs down people's throat.
I want my funeral to be a party. There needs to be yummy comfort food and drinks, live band to play my favorite songs and my guests dressed in bright colours, please.
I would like my photos to be displayed all around so that people could see and reminisce the times we spent together. They will know that I may not be physically around anymore but our memories live on and may the impact I left in their lives continue forever.
Right now at this stage of my life, I wouldn't say I'm afraid of death but I'm not ready to leave my beloved family and friends yet. I still have much yet to be done and I need to stay alive to complete them. Yup, I'll stay very alive, no worries.
Saturday, July 09, 2016
Have you ever had that feeling of looking forward to something and then BAMWHAM!!! that something just didn't happen afterall..?
It is such a lousy feeling. I've been looking forward to supper with my ❤. For the whole day, I ate very little cos we agreed on going for steamboat supper. Then, when night came, we decided not to have steamboat cos his friends wanted to have it tomorrow night. Fine, so let's have something else. So, I'm hungry and dirty as I planned to shower only after I return from supper. Thus, we decided on zi char near home.
Who knows...our Lil Sophie refused to sleep till just now. So ❤ said that he'll just dabao back home. Imagine my disappointment...I expected steamboat then took quite a while to changed my mind to zi char...then now say not going out for supper, I've anticipated for the whole day looking forward to supper date night with my ❤. Worse still...going to dabao Indian food which I don't eat.
Now...I'm having 一肚子的火。老娘现在又累又饿又脏...气到...我头好疼哦... ARRGGHHH!!! 😠