Friday, September 30, 2005

不想面对

让我有一点儿宁静时刻,好不好?

能让我精神不要那么紧张吗?

为何你们俩要吵架?

难道连我休息时都要搞得鸡犬不宁吗?

为什么?!为什么?!为什么?!

所以我宁愿在外头,让自己忙得不可开交。

让自己不停地忙碌,这样至少我不用面对你们。

你们之间的火药味。

别怪我自私自利,忙于自己的生活。

让我有自己的一片天,那是我的避风港。

Thursday, September 29, 2005

那时花开

那时花开
看着在我手掌里的刀片一划一划,像雨点一样打在我左手上,我似乎感到伤口上的痛,但又好像被心中的麻木给淹没了。鲜血直流,我却一点痛也感觉不到。所以,我不停的割、不停的割。血流成河,我心开始颤抖,心急下就用舌头把血舔干净。那是一种铁锈的味道,一点咸、一点涩。心中的那朵花谢了,我的灵也枯萎了。
一个人,两种生活道路。我像是变成两个人了。在我自己的房间里,手腕和刀片总是吻合一起。在学校或外边,我则是那个忙碌又爱笑的女主席。可怕的我!我已失去我自己。
为什么会这样?我不知道。我只知道我一直感到一股压力在我背上,我扛得好辛苦,好累。这股力量绑着我,头疼得要爆炸,使我呼吸时,异常费力。只有割我自己,看着血不停地流,我的重担才会搭着血球一起溢出。那隐约的痛,是我呐喊的声音。我不敢让别人看到那道丑陋的疤痕,因为它显露了我隐藏着的秘密。
我不敢想象若我父母看到的话,反映会是怎么样,心情会是什么?我想他们一定觉得我很笨,不顾虑他们的感受。他们也一定会感到失望,而我最怕看我父母失望的样子。那死人般的沉默,又尖又刺,把我的全部剖开,使我感到羞耻。
没有人看到我承受不住的压力,没有人看到我内心的伤口,更没有人看到我手腕上的疤痕。直到有那么一天,我的戏剧老师 — 杰,他对我说:“蕾,你不觉得累吗?过着两种极端的生活,你得做两个不同的人。”
我沉默不语。
“你骗得了别人,骗不了我。把书包里的刀片交出来。还有把衣袖都拉上来。”
我并没有追问他是怎么得知我自残,只是乖乖地照他的指示去做。毕竟他是我的师父,应该听他的。当我把袖子拉上时,我低着头,不敢正视他。我感觉到杰的身体在抽搐。我抬头一看,他把头传向一边,眼泪正在眼眶里打滚。他呜咽,因为我 — 他最疼爱的学生不自爱。
“对不起。”我小声说道。
杰凝视着我;把我拥进他怀里。顿时,我觉得在背上的重担轻了许多,就好像杰在和我一起分担,替我支撑。我感到一种解脱,眼泪情不自禁地落下。杰轻柔地说:“哭吧孩子,眼泪会是一种慰藉。”不。杰,你的眼泪才是我伤口的慰藉、你的拥抱才是我重担的释放。
杰的眼泪湿润了我的灵,使我的灵苏醒。他的拥抱喷淋了我心中的花园,使我心中的那朵花再次盛开。

我写了许多文章,最爱这篇了。因为它震撼人心。
郭老师说有点儿可怕。哈哈!
写这篇文章的意义是要提醒大家:你自残时,你身边的人会比你更痛苦。因为他们只能眼睁睁地看你伤害自己。他们会觉得自己没用、无能为力,不知道该怎么帮你。所以,请不要那么自私,不要让亲友那么痛苦。

Monday, September 26, 2005

Your Seduction Style: Au Natural

You rank up there with your seduction skills, though you might not know it.
That's because you're a natural at seduction. You don't realize your power!
The root of your natural seduction power: your innocence and optimism.

You're the type of person who happily plays around and creates a unique little world.
Little do you know that your personal paradise is so appealing that it sucks people in.
You find joy in everything - so is it any surprise that people find joy in you?

You bring back the inner child in everyone you meet with your sincere and spontaneous ways.
Your childlike (but not childish) behavior also inspires others to care for you.
As a result, those who you befriend and date tend to be incredibly loyal to you.
Your Hidden Talent

You are both very knowledgeable and creative.
You tend to be full of new ideas and potential - big potential.
Ideas like yours could change the world, if you build them.
As long as you don't stop working on your dreams, you'll get there.
You Are Mexican Food

Spicy yet dependable.
You pull punches, but people still love you.

Thursday, September 22, 2005

CHS out of FMS

the teachers did so much to bring us out of FMS. pls do give dis plan[entering sch of humanities] a chance.

out of FMS, we will have more independence. with more independence i mean: having more funds, facilities, much lesser limitations on media resources and we can adjust our curricirlum to fit students' interests/needs/career prospects.

if we continue 2 stay in FMS, we will not only be treated like 2nd class citizens, we will also be stifled and if we want to change modules 2 fit our interests, we need to cross much hurdles.

i need the media track pupils to understand that we do all these for your sake as well. in fact, we did consider ur interests, dats why we made dis decisions of moving out of FMS.
this plan will shine, if every1 is willing 2 co-operate.

i know all of u wan2 be respected, we will inform u guys officially. pls do not worry.

perhaps, as a president, i really did not do enough for the media track pupils. but be rest assured, the teachers did and still do. so once again, i urge all of u 2 give dis plan a chance to prove itself. [of course, we do need ur co-operation as well].

Thursday, September 08, 2005

O well
if you weren't present at our meeting on 5 sep 2005
u missed my big stress performance!

Yes! i lose my cool in a very cool way!

imagine me speaking as if i'm uber irritated and the next thing you know i'm out of the meeting room.

where did i go? one corner to cry out my stress.

after that, i dry my face and walk into the meeting room again. our meeting continues.

cool,ritez?

i was so sick yesterday. take note: it's SICK not ill. which means i feel like PUKING!
yes, i felt like puking. don't know why, perhaps stressed and tired.

today? well, i dyed my hair today. it turned out....gorgeous!!
as long as i like it, who cares about your opinions? -turns my head loftily-

Sunday, September 04, 2005

holidays, finally!
been very busy and stressed out the last few weeks.
finally, one semester over! but i'm gonna miss my drama & theatre lecturer--kok heng leun. he's one of the best teachers manz! i've learnt loadz of things of theatre from him, hope that if i'm taking elective i can be able to take drama & theatre.
cos he'll be teaching! heehee!
now what i'll be busy with are chinese society and christmas musical rehearsals.
see, i can never stop! ha!
thanks a ga-zillionz for caring, Jae! you're the best! >_<" v
i think i'm gonna be ill...flu and sore throat...mwahhhhh!!!!! so angry!!! i don wan2 be ill!!!
this coming fri still got BBQ at sze ting's sister's hse...just think of those delicious squids and kebabs and chicken wings!!!!!! mmm...yummy!!!
hee...k la...i shall end here. gotta go write my script for my chinese society.
buh-bye! =)