Saturday, September 28, 2013

贤内助

标题指的就是现在的我了。
“贤内助”就是能辅助丈夫的女人,对吧?

在大家眼里,我就像个交际花一样,每天都在参与饭局啊、跟那些妇人血拼还有何那些男人大谈生意。
我不介意被别人设想为交际花或歌姬,因为我这样做称为“建立一些人际关系”,英文我们称为"networking"。
在一些人的眼里,我这样做是费时又费钱。但是我不以为然。
可能需要一段时间去投其所好、取悦他们,但是这样建立这些人际关系是非常有效的,对我老公也非常有利。
把他们拉过来到我的阵营,支持我,那就是在提升我和我老公在他的工作领域的价值。
而要告诉你们,我的方法,已有我要的效果了。现在,正在慢慢地提升我们的价值了。价值高才不会被淘汰,这个道理不难理解吧?
对我来说,每个人都有他们的价值,不同的是价值多少?(当然,这个专题会在另一个剖上发表。)

我在当我老公的“贤内助”。别想阻扰我。

Friday, September 13, 2013

Dreaming. (in Bangkok)

Third day of being sick in Bangkok. Feeling lousy now, down with a cold and slight fever.

After 2 months of settling down in Bangkok, I guess I've accomplished quite a bit.
I set up a club for expat ladies and organized quite a number of activities.

In these two months, I realized I did not plan for a life away from teaching.
My whole working life is teaching, teaching and more teaching.
This period of time, many business ideas popped into my mind and I did plenty of research and preparation, however, I lacked the courage to step up and do it.
It's not easy for me.

Now, the dream that I always hold, should I make it come true?
Am I able to make it come true?
Publish my works, how should I go about doing it?
Am I wishing for the impossible? To let my words be read and understood, this dream seems so near yet so far.

Ri asked me if I am ready for this.
She told me that if my works are all done and organized, then go for it.
I know, it's not completely ready.
I want to include more, this project ain't perfect yet.
But I wished someone can read my work and tell me if they're good enough for the readers out there.
Someone, where are you?

Thursday, September 12, 2013

结婚

         当朋友们听到我要结婚消息时,都惊讶地叫道:“真的吗?”
真的,绝对没说谎。大家都难以置信,因为我是一个非常崇尚自由的现代女性,不喜欢被约束的女生。怎么会踏进这个永远无法逃脱的笼子呢?这个隐形的头箍,那个叫做婚姻誓约的紧箍咒,我真的愿意吗?
我的好姐妹们说我千万不能逃婚,我只是得了婚前恐惧症。或许吧,但是我总觉得我是不想放弃那个能够拥有选择的自己。我不是说婚后就没得选择了,而是因为婚后不是一个人的人生了。无法在拥有“自己选”的自由,所以我害怕。 婚后,大大小小的事情都要讨论才能决定,因为多了一样东西叫做“负责任”。
“负责任”是一个巨大的灯泡。它是前提,是先决条件。它总是把前面的路照明,让你无法不去正视每条路的坑和风景,每个选择的利与弊。 负责任。不就是要面对每个决定的后果么?我常常告诉我的学生:做每个决定之前要三思,想一想你是否能负起责任。就是因为我的这个原则,我犹豫、迟疑。而左思右想后,还是非常懦弱地步入婚姻的道路。
但是谁晓得结婚后,我发现自己其实还蛮喜欢这个所谓的‘紧箍咒’,因为他很爱我。对他来说:我是他的唯一,所以他处处让着我,几乎我全部的决定他都OK。我想这就是我们相爱的方式:他要我依赖他而我要他给我自由。所以,我偶尔依赖换来他赐我自由。但是,我越依赖就越不想自由。请不要搞错,我还是要自由只是我发现如果不依赖他就没法生存。很病态,对么?就这样,他依赖着我的依赖,而我仗着他的依赖换取我负责任的自由。
我知道这个爱的方式很难理解,有些人可能还会觉得我们病态。但是这就是我们,我们会先一起溺死在这种爱里,然后再一起往自由复生。这一切会一直循环,因为这就是我们相爱生存的方式与生活。

Publish...aye or nay?

I want to publish my book of poetry.
I want people to read and exclaimed, "She knows! She knows what life is, what I'm going through!"
I want my poetry to speak to my readers, pierce through them and give them that revelation that they need.

But...

Do you think I have the ability to do that?
I wrote and am still writing.
I have the works but I don't have the courage to step out and publish them.

I do not deny that I am satisfied proud of my work. I love what I wrote.
But I am not sure if the readers out there will love it.

So...

Publish...aye or nay?