The guilt of yelling

I lost it. I lost my cool and yelled at my 3-year-old daughter, Sophie. The guilt is not really because of the yelling but because I know the real reason I yelled was purely cos I was dealing with my own anger and she stepped on my tail, somehow. Oh gawd, the fear in her eyes when I yelled and the burst of tears as she cried her fears out. The guilt and resentment towards myself hit me so hard. If I yelled because she did something wrong, it was justified and I won't feel the guilt. Probably the anger and disappointment but definitely not the guilt. But now it's just loads of guilt and resentment and tears. We apologized to each other and made up but I know the fear is still there. I'm afraid of myself too. I really lost control this time and that made me really scared. What will I do after delivery of Stephan? 😭

Preggers again

Yes, you read right. I'm pregnant again. Now in my 19th week, with a huge tummy. I think I'm going through depression. I get upset and afraid easily, without any reason. I cry and sob alone with frustrations these few days. Once was in the toilet at my workplace, once in the middle of the night in bed and the other time was just now, while I was showering. I hate it. These horrible emotions that I get and the negative thoughts in me. I feel really alone, like, no one can understand. Fear, loneliness and helplessness are the constant in my life now. Some times these makes me think if I should be pregnant. Or worse, if I should be alive.